I have so many feelings about this.

I am excited, proud to have qualified, feeling a bit like I don’t deserve it, and overwhelmed at the thought that I have 2 months to keep Jack in one piece: a skill in which he is… lacking. dearly, dearly lacking.

I’m also conflicted as to how much I should invest in this effort. It’s so hard to know how competitive I would be, and so therefore how much extra I should put into an already expensive event (thinking of extra lessons, etc). Jack is competitive at home (aka the Carolina Horse Park), but would our mid-upper 20s dressage score be enough to be enough to have a shot at a ribbon in a championship environment? That’s where I’m doubtful.

Still, this big once-in-a-lifetime event definitely has spurred me to take care of things I’ve let fall by the wayside for the last year.

For instance, I’ve been a bad horse mom and haven’t had my saddles refitted in almost 2 years. Eek. So likely they need a good hard assessment, and the fact that my jumping saddle now wants to slide a few inches back makes this even more critical.

Jack could definitely also benefit from some chiropractic attention. Homeboy is just big, and can be hard on himself physically, and I feel like his hips in particular are probably out of whack.

So in light of all this, he’s seeing both a new chiropractor, the saddle fitter and the vet for a check in next week.

And before that, I’ve got 3 lessons coming up this weekend, in an attempt to whip myself into tip top shape from a jumping perspective and try to iron out the kinks.

Am I crazy? How far do you go to prepare for a big show? What about the biggest show???

So, I won’t lie, I am both humbled (and somewhat embarrassed- more on that later) by the number of responses to my post yesterday.

Blogging is a funny thing. I started blogging not caring who read, but just to have the record of my journey with Foster and all the ups and downs of working with horses. Then occasionally people would discover my corner of the interwebs, and the interactions gained inertia, and before I knew it I was meeting my online connections in person (I believe Emily and L were the firsts) and connecting with such interesting people that I would have never met without House on a Hill.

Thinking back to when Foster was the world this blog revolved around

I think shortly thereafter, I started doing my ridiculous discussion posts (aka me asking dumb questions about occasionally polarizing – or not– topics in the equestrian world) and started seeing the amazing ways the blogging community supports each other. I know it sounds so dumb, but so many of my blogger friends I count as real friends, because you guys have listened to my occasionally whiny, silly, stupid horsey rants outside of this blog, and I hope I was able to do the same for some of you as well. Sometimes this was ranting to Niamh about photography, or complaining to Amanda about the frustration of finding quality horses.

That time my #horsehunting got featured in an online mag

In any case, I fell off the face of the blogging planet when my 9-5 job escalated to another level by the umpteenth exponential. Around that time I also got a new computer, and completely fell into a void that I had tried to avoid months before. So not only did I drop off in terms of blogging myself, but also I was without my handy-dandy list of favorites (how I organized my blog list before)- so I also dropped off in the world of commenting.

My blogging SOS was what was needed to remind me of how much I do love being part of this community, and I am embarrassed for bowing to the level of what seems like a call-for-attention in order to determine my own self worth as a blogger. But, since that is indeed what’s invigored me, I thank all of you who commented. I’ve since followed the advice that was given to me months ago and regained many of my favorite blogs to follow via feedly. I’m sorry I didn’t do this when it was first suggested- maybe I wouldn’t have gone MIA so quickly.

In any case, I can’t tell y’all how much I appreciate it. I have lots to update you on, and I’ll be starting with my ‘About’ pages, since, for better and for worse, things have changed. Thank you guys for being part of the journey, and I hope to be a more active participant in yours going forward.

So this is my sorry, my apology, and my thank you. I have lots to tell you guys. And I’m feeling re-energized to do so. Look for a better-blogging-Britt in your near future.

Thank goodness, showjumping the day of the show went way better than our practice the day before- in which he warmed up like a dream, but went in completely scatter brained and we even had a drive-by at fence 6.

But in the lesson I had yesterday, we worked on some of the things that show up in this course. Like my not traveling through the turn, and getting a weak canter that ends in a weak spot at the base of the fence, which is how my rail in the video above happened. I really have to work to keep him both packaged and forward, and when both of those elements aren’t present the rails start to tumble.

Back to the show- SJ was better and overall I am actually really happy that I was able to mostly maintain the shape that H wants me to have between the fences- no running around like an over excited llama for us! My upper body is looking better, but I need to keep backing it up with my leg, which somehow is still a struggle for me. So a couple wins, and as always, plenty to work on.

XC was an absolute blast- right out of the gate Jack was feeling ‘on’ and I let him go after just the second fence, and he was jumping everything out of stride and eating up the course. So much so that I realized about 3/4 of the way through that I was way ahead of my watch.

The part of me that knew we weren’t going to win with that rail (I hadn’t seen my dressage score yet- thank goodness) and the other part of me that was having too much fun both said (mostly) fuck it however- and gallop on we did, with just a little extra packaging towards the end to try to save the damage. Still, we came in with several speed faults, but you couldn’t have wiped the grin off my face if you’d tried.

So, the other part of this post is to determine if I have any readers still out there. I won’t lie, it’s been hard to keep up with the blog while my role at work grew (taking away major braining capacity) and my photography hustle grew (taking away my time), and you know, riding the horse that this blog is mostly about. I’m torn- I’ve had this blog (including House on a Hill before it) for so many years, being a part of the blogger community feels like my identity, and I’m loathe to give up the connections and relationships there. But I also feel strange wondering if I’m simply singing in an empty room, in which case, I could technically move my personal notes to Evernote or some other documenting app. It’s the comments and the conversation that have kept me hanging on. What say you?