Remember that ISO ad that traveled the interwebs? Well now that I am 7 weeks into owning the Barbie Dream Horse, let’s see how he compares to the initial requests in my unicorn hunt.

Adult amateur seeks fancypants unicorn in ultimate champagne on a beer budget scenario.
In budget? Check. Bonus: Champagne colored.

Prefer warmblood or warmblood X gelding, at least 15.3 hands tall and between the ages of 3 and 9.
Check. 9 yr old German Warmblood sticking at 16.3h. A bit bigger than I need but beggars can’t be choosers.

16.3h, most of which is shoulder.

Must have great brain, preferably canine-like personality and cuddly tendencies. A forgiving nature, for those amateur moments, is an absolute requirement. Need not be able to memorize show jumping tracks, but being able to count jumps would be helpful to this occasionally ditzy eventing DQ.
Great brain- got it, despite his tendency to notice everything. Personality-wise, he’s still blossoming, but is a big fan of chewing on his lead rope (or sneakily eating the right rein when I’m not looking). Definitely a cuddler, and thank goodness he’s forgiving of my rusty jumping game.

Suspension and athleticism important. And by suspension, I mean that of a Porsche or Audi, not a Model T.
Decent gaits- we has them. I don’t know cars that well (obviously)… maybe we’re like a new Volvo? Are those nice? Whatever, I drive a Kia.

Prospective owner seeks to be competitive in the dressage court up to 3rd level and in the eventing irons, that is, if she can remember her courses. Proven jumping ability preferred, but willing to survive training a green but willing jumper as well.
Horse can definitely jump, and probably fits the green-but-willing-jumper description. We’re going to be working on learning how to canter fences and not trot/gallop them. And that’s OK.

Horse will receive almost daily attention from prospective owner, be taught ridiculous tricks like smiling and bowing, and in general be spoiled rotten. As such, the horse must in turn tolerate copious amounts of picture taking, both as the subject of his new owner’s photography experiments, but also on a routine basis for the purpose of bombarding the blogosphere and social media channels with their presence.
Welcome to the blogosphere, Jack, aka Jack-Jack, aka Barbie Dream Horse, aka Goldenboy, aka Blondie. Thanks for giving me new things to write about. And photograph. Side note- we are already working on smiling.

Besides being sound of mind, horse must be sound of body. While this amateur owner has become efficient at wrapping, icing, hand walking, and bonding with vets, she would like to turn her attention to other hobbies. Like riding. Lemons need not apply, and you better believe there will be a pre-purchase exam.
Besides a few unsightly blemishes and a need for more conditioning…. I’m going to knock on wood right now.

In return for meeting these lengthy and lofty requirements, any future horse will be held on a pedestal above all others, if not in the judges’ eyes, then in his owner’s. He will receive the best of care at a top-notch facility, have his legs and feeding regimen obsessed over at length, and be stuffed full of cookies at every horse show. Oh, let’s be serious—he’ll be stuffed full of cookies on the daily. And with all hope, he will be a lifelong partner.
Yes, yes, and hopefully very much yes.